Dating While Black:A Look At How Our Society Effects Our Relationships!

In this piece I would like to talk about dating as a black person in today's society. I think many of us feel that "dating while black" is, or should be, the same as dating for any other race. I believe that the dating standards are not, nor should they be, compared. We have been using a measuring stick created by a dominate class who not only doesn’t share the same experiences and obstacles we do as a race of people in this country, but in fact actually profit off of the residual effects of the conflict between black men and women. You see, when black man and woman or systematically pitted against one another a domino effect occurs that causes most of the issues we face in our relationships. We see it every day. Think about it for a minute. What other race in this country are the men and women at odds to the extreme one feels the other is a liability to their happiness instead of an asset? What other race of people or placed in the media as the poster children for savagery, disease, violence, and criminal activity? The constant propaganda through media, television, movies, advertisements, and even religion, has continued to paint black men and women and our relationships in a most unfavorable light. So much so that we have we have adopted the same prejudices towards each other. I feel that not understanding what we are dealing with or not being willing to address it is one of the root causes of the issues we have with one another. This lack of understanding of the world we live in has led to the frustration, unrealistic expectations, unnecessary conflict, and division that is becoming more common in our relationships.

I don’t want to over simplify such a complex and deep rooted issue. However, let’s take a quick look at what we are being feed and the effects of this cycle on us as blacks. Believe it or not a black mans or any man’s greatest position is his woman. You get a race of woman to turn against their men you or one step closer to wiping out the race as a whole.  Our women are told a man is to be a provider, protector, father to the children, and the head of the house hold. (I agree with this because I was able to see a black man play this role in my life.) Yet your Black man is portrayed in the media as lazy and unwilling to work and provide for his woman and their off spring. When the fact is those who push this image are also the ones in control of creating jobs and approving resources needed to start businesses. If he  is unable to provide financially for his is told that he is not a "REAL “man and there has no worth and his woman and she is better off letting the government and/ or men from different races to provide for her and her children. What man wants to be a man if he is of no use to his family and community? So the cycle continues as men are willing to do whatever it takes to earn his title as "REAL “man. Even if it requires him to break the law. At which time he is either killed are place in prison. This once again is beneficial to the dominate class due to the fact that he owns the prison system and also benefits from free labor for his businesses. In the meantime the frustrated woman is left without a father and protector for her children, she is now forced to be the provider. Even though she is more than capable, she sees women from other races being provided for and protected by their men and becomes resentful of hers because he cannot or will not provide her with the same security. Children are missing the masculine energy needed to balance out the feminine received from their mother become unbalanced individuals. They pick up on the resentment the mother has for the father and they too begin to form opinions about relationships. Little boys feel that being a black man is a negative thing and acts accordingly. If he can’t provide financially he needs to be ultra-masculine, meaning hard and extra aggressive in his interactions with his women and fellow black men. Which he actually in many cases learn from movies and television portals of the ultra-masculinity of white heroes.  Little girls are taught to be "idependent"and to never rely on a man for anything, which continues the cycle of the minimization of the importance of a man. She grows up with the idea that men are only good for helping her conceive a child but after that he is unnecessary in her life because she can take care of  herself with the comfortable lifestyle she has been able to attain on her own, or the use government programs and services to provide in place of her man. As a result men become less man and women become less woman due to the result of systematic gender role reassignment. I know this isn’t always the case but I wanted to illustrate briefly how the issues we face as a race is so much more complex. The reason we are having these issues are not an accident and we must be aware of what’s going on to be able to work together men and women to repair our rift between each other.   

 I heard a saying one time that went "The greatest trick the devil ever played was convincing the world that he didn’t exist." It doesn’t matter if you believe in the devil or not. I still think the illustration is a good one. The devil in this case would be the system of racism and white supremacy. We are constantly discussing the issues that we are facing blacks when it comes to how we date and relate to one another. The reason we are so frustrated is because many of us are not aware or refuse to be aware of the system we are under the control of as blacks in this country. So before we say that there are no "Good “or "REAL" men or woman out there, lets really take a look at where we got our definitions of these concepts from.  Slavery never ended it just got more covert. Hell, it’s actually not that covert! This system still plays such a large role in how we see ourselves and how we relate to one another. We cannot afford to be divided any longer. We must work together to address our issues as individuals and as a group. Our survival depends on it. Black men and women it’s time for us to love and except one another. It’s going to take proper self-education, patience, and maybe some therapy.However, I am confident that we can once again stand united and overcome all challenges that are thrown at us together.....Black Love is Black Power!




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