It funny how things work in friendships and relationships. We make a new friend or find a new love and we “Love” everything about this person. Their individuality is what attracts us to them. Their spirits and free energy magnetizes us to them. We love to share their space and we feel free to share who we are with them with no fear of judgment. In the beginning we place very little expectations on our new friends or possible love interest. Getting to know that person and just enjoying that process is so exciting.
So what happens that cause the bliss to dissipate after a while? Are we not the same individuals that we were in the beginning? Granted some people do use “representatives” but that sort of connection is never really genuine because that person is not being their true selves. What I am speaking of are those cases where you both have been totally up front. The good, bad, and ugly has been placed on the table and you still adore you knew friend. What is it that make those type relationships no longer have the same bliss that they once had?
I believe the bliss and excitement leaves a friendship/relationship when one or both individual stop looking at the other as an individual but as a possession. “My man”,” My woman”, “my best friend”, etc. are all examples of someone taking possession of another person. Some of the most beautiful and majestic things in life cannot or will not survive in captivity and no one person or group can every lay sole claim them. The moment you pick a beautiful rose from its bush it immediately begins to die even if the person who picks it doesn’t notice its decay until sometime afterwards. Fireflies captured in a jar for a child to possess their light for his or her own enjoyment end up losing the illumination they once had when they were free and soon die from captivity.
I personally don’t do well in situations where someone or something wants me to be their possession. I’ve learned in my life experience that the moment someone considers you “theirs” their actions and perception of you change. You are no longer that individual that they love or care about. You are now just another person, place, or thing that they now possess to make themselves feel happy, safe, or secure. The problem with that is when you begin to focus on how this person can help you to fulfill your own need, desires, and well
being. We often forget about the other persons’ needs, desires, and wellbeing. This happens so gradually we often don’t realize that the other persons is being neglected, because you now see them as an extension of yourself and not as the individual they once were. You feel that your needs and wants are now theirs. The way you communicate and share your feelings should be the way the other person should communicate and express theirs. We even feel that the way we express love to them should be the exact same way that they express their love to us. It’s important to keep in mind that your decision to love or care for another person is much more beneficial to you then it is to the other person. Especially in the case that this person is secure and comfortable in their own skin and identity. The quickest way to alienate a great friend or potential love interest is to attempt to contain them and all their greatness for only your pleasure and enjoyment. This will almost always suffocate them or have them to begin to resent you.
This is not a knock on commitment or any relationships. However, I think it is important that we understand the true purpose of healthy relationships and commitments.  A Relationship, despite popular belief is not for two people to become “one”. This would mean that one person would have to give up some or all of who they are to become what or who the other person is. This leads to unhappiness, resentment, and unhealthy and unfulfilling relationships. A healthy relationship is one where two individuals can come together with a common purpose of helping the other to become the best version of themselves. Each being able to be secure enough in themselves to be able to let the other grow and evolve freely .Even when it seems that the person may be growing away from you. What’s meant to be will always be without you interference.   This can only be totally possible if each person is allowed to the unapologetically themselves throughout the course of the relationship no matter how long or short it may be. Things are made to be possessed. People are made to be loved, nurtured and accepted as the perfect/imperfect beings that God has created us to be.

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